Monday, May 18, 2020 – Live to Blog NOT from a Venutian Spaceship
Winthrop Dijkstra-Baum, radio legend and Matt Damon doppelganger here. This is another edition of Truth Be Told. The source of COVID-19 is now known, and I’ve got the scoop.
On Thanksgiving Day in 2019, while millions of Americans were eating their turkey and pumpkin pie, a Venutian spacecraft hovered over Wuhan, a city in China’s Hubei province. While the citizens of Wuhan went about their daily shopping, an invisible landing party of 13 Venutian’s beamed down. They immediately began to infect people with a virus in the city’s wet market by running up and kissing people lightly on the forehead.
The kiss was so light that most people thought it was an insect that briefly landed on them or even the wings of a butterfly passing too closely. It would not be long before people became ill and the scientist’s would begin investigating. By the time the Novel Coronavirus was discovered, many more were ill, some were dying, and the virus began to spread outside of Wuhan.
Truth be told, COVID-19 was planted on earth by the Venutians as the first wave of an interplanetary plot to take over the earth and enslave all human kind. If we are to…
- Me: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Winthrop, what the heck are you doing? I’ve told you before, many times, you are not welcome in this blog unless you are invited.
- Winthrop: I know and I wouldn’t be here except it is a matter of life and death. I’ve not only discovered the source of COVID-19 but I have the cure as well.
- Me: No you don’t, Winthrop. You have some idiotic story about invisible Venutians kissing people on the forehead. That almost as far-flung as some of the conspiracy theorys floating around out there.
- Winthrop: No, it’s different. It is verified.
- Me: What?!? Wait…wait…How?
- Winthrop: By me!
- Me (rolling eyes, shaking head): Of course it is…how did that happen Winthrop?
- Winthrop: It’s a secret.
- Me: What do you mean “it’s a secret?”
- Winthrop: I can’t tell. I promised I wouldn’t.
- Me: Who made you promise, Winthrop?
- Winthrop: I’d rather not say.
- Me (sarcastically): Oh, I get it. I suppose the Venutians made you promise?
- Winthrop: How’d you know that? Who told you?
- Me (now wanting to have some fun of my own): Who do think? The Martians! They always outsmart the Venutians, don’t you know that?
- Winthrop: Who said that?
- Me: Winthrop, I’m only messing with you. I made that up. I didn’t talk to any Martians because there aren’t any. And you didn’t talk to any Venutians because there aren’t any of them either.
- Winthrop: Yes, there are.
- Me: How do you know that?
- Winthrop: They beamed me up in their ship. They had heard me on the radio and wanted to make sure a reporter had their story.
- Me: Oh, yeah, that makes ALOT of sense now.
- Winthrop: Good! I wasn’t sure you’d believe me.
- Me (exasperated): Of course I don’t believe you, Winthrop! Why should I believe you? Look, buddy, I think the stress of all this is getting to you.
- Winthrop: No, it’s not. I know what I know. You know what else I know?
- Me: Oh, I can only imagine! What is it?
- Winthrop: They told me the cure in case I got infected.
- Me: Let me guess…I’ve heard this somewhere before…is it you drink Clorox or you inject Lysol? Maybe swallow a flashlight?
- Winthrop: Those are all ridiculous and some would even kill you! No, it’s “Baby Shark.”
- Me: What? That obnoxious children’s song?
- Winthrop: Yeah, it is. You hold hands with one other person and you both sing it together three times. You’re cured!
- Me: Okay, that’s it, Winthrop! Leave my blog and go take your temperature. Your fever must be really high today.
On Theories Like Winthrop’s
On the Media is a weekly radio program broadcast on many National Public Radio stations and a podcast. The May 15th program is titled Communication Breakdown. There were two segments which really grabbed my attention. One (Mixed Messages in the Heartland) is about the absence of Federal data and directives concerning COVID-19 in the Heartland of the U.S. This is something we have heard personally about from Alonzo and Starlee, our good friends from the Heartland with whom we have Saturday morning Zoom coffee. Both work in professional positions where that information is vital and it has become clear they are not receiving it. It is distressing to say the least. The other (What to Say When a Loved One Shares Pandemic Disinfo) is on conspiracy theories, and other whacky ideas, about COVID-19. Within that segment is advice on how to engage with friends and family who are convinced by them. You can find and listen to Communication Breakdown here on the On The Media website.
Just Sayin’ – Sheltering-In-Place Works
Everyone knows it is a real pain to be confined to your home for such a long period of time. But does it matter? Recent research from the University of Iowa College of Public Health found that stay-at-home orders do seem to be making a difference in the spread of COVID-19. The study compared five counties in Iowa along the Mississippi River with five counties on the other side of the river in Illinois. The five counties in Illinois issued broad shelter-in-place orders back in March while Iowa has not yet issued similar orders. When comparing the two sets of counties, the Iowa counties had 30% greater increase in the number of COVID-19 cases. This research is consistent with research that is beginning to emerge from other studies.
Hmmm…You Either Laugh or You Cry
This three minute video was produced by The Atlantic.
You know comedian Jim Gaffigan. He is almost instantly recognizable. He does a segment on CBS‘ Sunday Morning, usually in the closing minutes. This past Sunday he did a commentary on living in unprecendented times. It is fun, funny, and a bit wistful. Enjoy!
The Adventures of Chickenman
Episode 33 – The Invisible White Winged Warrior is receiving treatment for his invisibility as the Policy Commissioner is being asked by Washington to summon our Hero to help in a national emergency.
Stay safe, be well, keep calm, keep washing your hands, keep wearing your mask, and don’t allow yourself to be kissed by any Venutians.